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I Was Scared To Love — Especially Someone In Prison

April 14, 2019

 

 

“If you’re supposed to choose your friends carefully, you must be even more careful when it comes to choosing your future spouse. Adam was very blessed that God designed his life companion with His own hands and from within himself. Adam’s choice was easy since Eve was not just the only woman, but the perfect woman. The rest of us had/have a more difficult time, since none of us is perfect and we have many more people to choose from....Indeed, outside of the choice to serve God, the question of a spouse will always be the most importante and the most consequential choice anyone one of us makes in our lives...Besides looking for the right person to marry, be the right person first.” - Family Seasons (2019)


John asked me to marry him on our second date. We both knew we were well suited for one another and mirrored the qualities we desired and needed in a spouse — but the obvious barrier of prison was very much present. I had come out of an emotionally unavailable relationship a year and some months prior. I put in the work to get to see and love myself the way God sees and loves me. I was scared to love a man again — especially to love one in prison. It just seemed too hard. How would we make it through the next almost four years until he maybe got released from prison? (his sentence was 25 to life so there really were no guarantees).

 

When I tell you this has been the greatest walk of faith of my life, I kid you not — and I’m so happy that I took that leap of faith and married John. Our marriage is not without challenges. The reality is that no marriage is. Knowing myself and my needs and wants prior to getting married helped make the decision to accept John’s proposal a doable one. I had to remind myself that God did not give me a spirit of fear but If of love, of power, and of a sound mind. I stopped being afraid of love and began to embrace the love that John continues to show me every day of our lives together. He takes such good care of my heart. Being in a relationship and ultimately married to someone who is/was incarcerated is not for everyone, that’s for sure! By sharing, I pray someone who’s been scared to love steps out on Faith and loves regardless. #speakyatruth🗣💯  

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